Literally PINK....and its deeper than you think ;)

Sunday, January 30, 2005

I'm sad.. though i should be sleeping.. and you'd think i would have a word more precise than 'sad'.. but i cant think of one right now.

Feeling crappy..

I think i miss home..
America's great but i need to be with the people i love..
My playlist is one of the few things that hasnt changed but there's only so much music can do to create the illusion of sameness.. listening to sappy songs now ;p

i miss mommy's cooking, daddy's smile, watching tv with travis, watching movies and lunches with shane, talking on the phone with nat, lynn's complaints abt tim, reverie's gigs, james' gossip, martin's wierd way of saying things, yinqi's bitching, suping's hugs, cheryl's paranoia, and a lot lot lot more amongst a really long list of people and things in no particular order.. i cant put down anymore cuz this is making me feel crappier and the purpose of me blogging was to stop crying. If you wanna know what i miss abt you just ask. I know exactly what it is.

girlnumber20 @ 11:09 PM | |

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The American Dorms Stereotypes..
you better believe it.

I stay in a dorm (dormitory, hall, hostel, on-campus housing, whatever) a girls' dorm to be exact. Its been about a month since i moved in but it didnt take long for things to start 'taking shape'.

On the first saturday night, I was a good girl, came back from a party sober (as always) and tried to sleep early, ard 3. Notice 'tried'. Cuz ard 5am, the ambulances and cops were wheeing outside downstairs.. but i didnt really care.. its not like i've never heard those at night before.. so i try going back to sleep.. ard 6 i heard murmurings in my sleep.. and footsteps.. and before i knew it, the cops were actually outside my door -duh- it didnt really hit me until they swung this guy hard against my door.. i think he was drunk.. the conversations were really loud now but still muffled, so all i heard was like:

'Whats your name?... What are you doing here?.. What are you doing sleeping on the stairs? Who let you in?.. How you related to her? When was the last time you saw her? What's her name? Last name? How come you dont know her last name?.. (blah blah blah)

So poor 'Bradley' was drilled top to bottom with questions by like these 4 really inconsiderately loud cops.. and there was this major search for my next door (apparently) neighbor 'Stephanie'.. i still dont really know what happened, but the next morning i heard Stephanie crying and bitching to her friend and 'I cant believe he actually called the cops!' and her friend was like 'It could've been worse'... and so forth.

On the Friday night after that, at about 2am.. some crazy bitch bursts outta her room raving mad, sobbing/screaming:

"Katie you fuckin bitch, you get out right now! *bang bang bang* Open the fuckin door, bitch! I cant believe you made me do those things with my ex when i was drunk!!! I love my boyfriend you know that? And now he hates me! You fuckin bitch! I cant believe you call yourself my friend!! *bang bang bang* (and this is across the corridor from me) Open the fuckin door!"

and this went on and on until Katie (who never said a word) slides out of her room (i actually think she was with the crazy bitch's boy) and takes the crazy bitch to the stairwell (thank goodness)

and on the last Saturday morning.. there was like a puking fest at 10am... but thats not unheard of, nor interesting.. so i'll move on.

So now it its wednesday afternoon, I'm trying to speedread my biopsych textbook.. and the hormones just seem to be jumping outta the page cuz just RIGHT next door to my right, the action is ON. My neighbor and almost resident boyfriend having the kinda intercourse that the whole corridor can hear.. but i of course, have front row seats (excuse the thinnest walls in the world) - the best sound system ever. Actually the guy wasnt too bad.. I think only me and the her other nextdoor neighbor could hear him.. it was the girl that was screaming her head off. But people dont care.. they just continue talking on their cellphones and pacing the corridor (no reception in the rooms) and talk extra loud when they have to pass the *ahem* room.

Oh well, lets see what happens this weekend..

girlnumber20 @ 2:43 PM | |

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I was just thinking.. is there a difference between what's 'the best' and what is 'perfect'?

And if there was, which one is better?

Maybe 'perfection' is simply something we perceive to be possible.. sometimes it exists in reality, sometimes only in our imagination.

But 'the best', on the other hand is something that does exist.. cuz when the rest is beat, it can (and does) become, 'the best'..

So maybe you've already figured all this out like last year or whatever.. but I just got here, so lemme think..

So if something is 'perfect', can it get any better? Does 'perfect' just mean there's nothing wrong with it, and that everything is right about it? What if there's more than right and wrong to something, does that mean it can never be 'perfect'? Is that why life and people and colors and handwriting and anything that is not math can never be 'perfect'? And if things like ethics and law and norms are all about right and wrong then does that mean those things are 'perfect'?

So given that you can have either 'the best' or 'perfection' which one would you want? Which one is better? Is 'the best' always just below or on par with 'perfection'? Could 'the best' ever be better than what is ideally perfect?

I'm not sure what sparked off this insomniac train of thought here, perhaps it half has to do with what I came across today.

I was flipping through my child psychology textbook today, not really reading the info I'm supposed to be tested on, and stopped when i saw this picture. This picture that made me fight back tears.

It was a picture of a baby: he had a beautiful face, beautiful eyes, hair, the cutest belly-button, and the sweetest smile.

But he only had one right foot.. no legs.
Where his left leg/foot should've been was his tiny left hand.
Where his left arm should have been was nothing.
Where his right arm should have been was his right hand, which only had 3 fingers.
And where his sex organs should have been, was his bare tushie.

Actually I'm not even sure if he's a boy, book didn't say, it's just that he seemed to have had on a very dignified, determined, and brave composure. Like he knew he was gonna have it tough.(So, maybe I'm sexist, but those are masculine traits cuz girls are giggly.)

The baby was formed this way because the mother had taken thalidomide during her pregnancy.

When I saw the photo, I couldnt help but think:
How's he going to live like this?
Should he be let to live life through like this?
Would he be let to live life like this?
Is it fair (or worse than fair) to make him live?
As a parent,would you expose him to the cruelty of the outside world with the 'perfect' kids?
Or would you keep him at home and tell him he's perfect?
As human beings, is there a limit as to how much pain and frustration in life we can handle?
Does his lack of limbs and organs, get compensated by an increased strength, desire and positivity to survive?

They say life should be measured by quality, not quantity. It's gotta take a lot of "something" to see enough quality in life for a child like that.. and if he can't see it, then it's just not fair to keep him alive.

Maybe its just a correlation between it getting late and me being sappy, but all i can think of now is how thankful I would be for my future children to just be healthy. My mom used to tell me that wish of hers and how she's just glad that my bro and i are (at least fairly) 'normal', but I didnt understand it then. I wanted my kids to be pretty and smart and popular and athelic and artistic... 'normality' was considered a given.

But now I know its not. And I'm so thankful that I've got 4 limbs and a brain. How they work is something else. And I think if I don't sleep soon, they might not work at all.

Goodnight, world..
Buenos noches *hug*

girlnumber20 @ 11:06 PM | |

Saturday, January 15, 2005

I HATE YOU BLOGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wrote and edited and added pictures about the last 3 weeks of my life and u TOOK IT ALL AWAY!!!!! For the SECOND TIME TODAY!! UGH!

Freakin pissed now.. no mood to sound cheery.. but its not y'alls fault so i should try.. DAMN!

Im just gonna repeat myself now.. hate that. Bleah.

Ok so incase u STILL dont know, Im in Penn State University now and have officially completed my first week of school.. dont ask if its tough or not cuz its only the first week! We're gonna have like tests every 2 weeks for all the subjects but they're all mcqs.. so give and take..

And for those interested, im taking:
Developmental Psych
Abnormal Psych
Biological Psych
Industrial/Organizational Psych
Spanish

mailing address: 342 McElwain Hall, Univeristy Park, PA, 16802
room telephone number: 814-862-4055

With that contact information, you should be able to find me here:

My bed. Show u my roommates side some other time..

OK so i owe u guys alota photos so here they are..

From the plane...

Beautiful huh? Even with my ADD camera.. (it cant focus) but then again, 16 hours on a plane makes everything look beautiful..

Landing in New York!

Before heading out to our school in Pennsylvania, my NUS exchange buddies and I spent a few days in the Big Apple.. lemme intro the gang first:

top row: Kevin, Sharon, Mil, Hannah
bottom row: Hanwei, Faizal, Norman

On the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art (which we got in for $1 cuz it was closing soon)

Times Square Countdown with my cousin.. once is seriously enough.

Downtown.. boy do i look fatter in coats ;P

An authentic NYC hotdog/gyro stand.. *yum*

Zara! ooh and Shane's present inside that mysterious little blue bag..

Rockerfeller Center with Sharon

The highly overrated Rockerfeller Center Christmas Tree.. but since im here, might as well.

And my dream doggie!!! By the ice skating rink!

Me on a Vespa at FAO Schwartz.. where we spent 3 hrs playing foosball, air-hockey, watching movies.. trying to kill time to our 2am bus ride ride to Penn State.

The Greyhound bus ride was 10hrs.. with a 4hrs transit.. but nothing that a little 'daidee' couldnt take care of..

---- Pennsylvania ----

And this is school!

..and the Campus Police.. they're everywhere.. and they're NOT SHY.

New friends:

Korean friend Jinny! "An-yung-ha-sai-yung!"

Jack from Trinidad.. poor guy, everyone stuck their nametags on him..

Susuanna and Maj's housewarming party photos:

Very interesting.. Sus and Maj are adopted Koreans from Denmark..

Just the Singapore girls..

Here's Conroy from India who has the hots for all of us..

It snowed for the first time on Tuesday! So what do we do when the whether outside is snowing?

...webcam with Shane *grin*

girlnumber20 @ 12:31 PM | |

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Hey everyone!! Happy new year!!

Ok dont have alota time but here's a quick update..

I'm in NewJersey/NewYork now (been travelling back and forth) and so far i've been to:

Central Park
The Metropolitan Museum of Art
Chinatown
Times Square

and I've a new handphone number: (215) 200-5537
My Singapore number will not be roamed for much longer and will become my bro's line.

And I wanna thank EVERYONE who came to send me off at Changi!! RGS friends.. ACJC friends.. KR friends.. Really didnt expect so many people to turn up, it was a really great farewell treat :)

Ok gotta go!!

add me on MSN if u havent: daydream247@hotmail.com
email: mildred009@yahoo.com

girlnumber20 @ 9:15 AM | |

Don't pretend you weren't wondering..

Birthdate: 9 July 1984

msn: daydream247@hotmail.com

email: extraordinarymil@gmail.com

If you're my aquaintance and 'heard' frm somewhere that I 'look' Chinese but 'fake' an accent or something, I will explain now (though it's never once and for all): I'm an American born Chinese, my parents are Hongkongers. I was born in Chicago, raised in Hongkong till I was 5, moved to Boca Raton, Florida and stayed till I was 11, moved to Trophy Club, Texas and stayed till i was 13, moved to Singapore and have stayed there since. Throughout my preschool-univeristy life i have attended 13 schools so far. Was it tough? did it make me bitter? I dont think so, ask any of my friends.. or try and find someone who hates me.. *wink*